buzzard

"It's driving me crazy. I'm grasping at straws. Maybe it's something. Maybe it's nothing." -- Joe Borowski after blowing his second straight save chance Monday night against the Red Sox.

Borowski seems to be mystified as to why his fastball tops out in the low 80s (Manny Ramirez couldn't tell if the pitch he hit for the go-ahead home run was a fastball or a changeup). And now he is on the DL with 'a strained triceps,' according to the team.

I have solved the mystery. Borowski has been lying about his age. His player page lists his date of birth as May 4, 1971, meaning he would be turning 37 in a few weeks. But it appears that might be off by a few -- or 65 -- years. You see, one Joe Borowski was a letter-winner on the Boston College basketball team. In the 1924-25 season. Click the link (it's a PDF file, so you need Adobe Acrobat Reader), scroll down to the all-time roster, then check the roster for that season. There he is, the first player listed.

And it seems he had quite an impact on the Eagles' program, since basketball was discontinued for 20 years after that season.

And not sure what happened to Borowski between then and his 1995 MLB debut with the Orioles. But those 70 years must have been tough on his arm.

According to a friend who has known me for 20 years (more, if you count my sister dating his brother when we were kids), I'm overweight, I need a haircut, and above all, the mustache has to go. Of course, that's me on the left.

This is what happens when you make a bet based on the NCAA tournament, then make picks that include Southern Cal and UConn reaching the Final Four. Then it comes down to North Carolina-Kansas, and the Tar Heels crapped the bed on me. Think I wasn't frustrated to then see Roy Williams wearing Jayhawks gear two nights later?

Now, with the permission of Master Facial Hair Grower Eric Kay, the 'stache will be history within minutes of my leaving work today. So we need this photo for posterity. This one, too. While my wispy growth just can't stand up against Kay's manly display, I think he was bathing his face in Rogaine. Or Procede, endorsed by none other than Charlie McCarthy (not the dummy). There is just no way he grew that without some kind of performance enhancement.

But enough griping. This is the end of the great Mustache Experiment. And I certainly will not be upset to see those last few whiskers go down the drain.